so..

i don't love you

i don't think about you all the time or wonder why we aren't together anymore.
i don't daydream about us or about our future.
i can hear about you and your new girlfriend without feeling even the tiniest amount of jealousy or anger.

that's how far we've come, baby..all that way to get to here.

but..
sometimes i think of you and my heart goes soft and i crave you.
i crave the feeling of comfort and safety that i felt when we would lay in bed wrapped around each other. when i would fall asleep with your body wrapped around mine, secure in the knowledge that when i woke up, we wouldn't have moved an inch.
i crave the familiarity that comes with time and intimacy and history..
i crave your voice...you hands...your lips...your laugh...your scent.
i crave us...but i do not want to be with you.
despite how wonderful i think you are.

i want to have that comfort...that intimacy...that history.
i want to have the looks and the knowing smiles.
i want to have the wordless understanding..

i want to have all that we had..
and more.
i want to have all that.
but i want it with someone else.
someone i can love. someone i can have forever with. someone like you..
but not you..

how fucked up is that??



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