it's probably a good thing that i dont have a tv at the moment..cuz between the upcoming election and this damned kiddie-porn/prison-officer-suicide thing, i'd be too scared to turn it on anyway cuz of all the bullshit in the media at the moment..
really..it's all so fucking ridiculous..and i'm so sick of hearing about it.

anywho..

so i emailed her today..cuz my dreams this morning were totally freaking me out..and thankfully all is well in her world. with the exception of some family illness, she seems well and fine. and for that i'm glad.

i just wanna stop dreaming about her.

i'm guessing it's all some subconscious thing...my dreaming about her...i just dont know why cuz it's not like i think about her during my waking hours. not much, anyway..
having said that, our anniversaries are coming up. i say anniversaries cuz both the anniversary of us getting together, and the anniversary of our eventual demise fall in october. so yeah..maybe that's where all this is stemming from.
i dunno..
i wouldn't mind dreaming about her so much if they were kinky sex dreams..but these fuckers are horrid and awful and painful..pretty much a ressurection of all the horrible feelings that i felt for the 3 months that our break-up dragged out..*shudders*..

i can't believe it's almost been a year though..almost 12months since i last fell asleep in her arms or told her i loved her. that's a pretty long time considering it wasn't so long ago that i would suffer physical withdrawl symptoms if i was more than 3 feet away from her..so yeah..
i was thinking about her on my way home tonite..i was listening to some sappy love song cd (actually..it was more break up songs)...and it just brought out all these feelings and memories...and i've gotta say, i dont think i could ever *love* someone again liks how i did her..not that i dont think that i'm incapable of loving again...but rather i doubt very much that i could love that much..cuz i certainly know that i couldn't ever give that much of myself again..not even if i lived for another 100 years...but yeah..
phew..
where'd all that come from..

anyway...it turns out that there's a spare tv in the hallway..so i might go see if i can figure out the technology and hook it up..maybe then i'll be able to finish watching "stargate".



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