she emailed me before...and strangely enough seeing her name pop up on my computer screen still evkoes the same response as it always has...*sighs*..

i honestly do not know what is worse..
hearing from her?
not hearing from her?
when i dont hear from her i wonder and worry and my head gets filled with all of these horrible thoughts..
but when i do hear from her..my heart gets heavy because it just reinforces that things will never go back to how they were..
ever
i dont understand why i'm having such a fucked-up time of simply letting her go..afterall..i was so unhappy for the last few months of that relationship...anyone would think i'd be over the moon to see the back of it..
but i'm not..
i still miss her
her, the person..
not the relationship.

maybe i need to really seriously considering professional help with this..
because..
it doesn't seem to be getting any easier..



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