grrr..ok...i know all i ever do is bitch about sam...and how i love her and she fucking irritates me and what not..
i know i am a glutton for punishment and a fool for always going back..
but the other nite...after a big fight-o-rama..i asked if we could just stop fighting over email and SMS and forgive each other and see how it goes.
so for the last day or two we've had nice SMS's..about catching up and missing each other and even going on dates..
and today she asks me (via email of course) who i'm planning on taking to the ani concert
(21 days people..2-1-d-a-y-s!!!)
...because she's worried thatit's going to create drama if i take her..
and i'm like "WTF??? why would it create drama taking her to the most exciting event of 2004..with my best mate..and her grrl...to celebrate my birthday" (belated birthday - the tix were a present from sam)..anyway...she goes on about how we're not together and she thought we were just "seeing what happens"..because NOW she apparently wants ME to wait around for her to make up her mind..because she's so fucking fucked up and i obviously make her life such a living hell..

what in the fuck am i doing??

why am i CONSTANTLY putting my life on hold for this grrl..when she gives me absolutely NOTHING in return..well...at least note recently, anyway..
but it's my own fucking stupid fault..for always trying to stand strong then caving in and running back to her...but it's coz i adore her and i just wanna grow old and nutty with her..she's my best friend and she makes me laugh and she's a tiger in the sack and all that good stuff...but lately (especially LATELY) all that good stuff does not excuse or make up for the bad..not at all..it's just like
*banging my head against a brick wall
why do you do it, dannii...W__________H__________Y

so yeah..

i have a job now...a decent job...and am earning money...and meeting new people at the hospital...and i don't need her..
i dont need her shit and her grief and her issyews..
i would like her love and her adoration and her affection and attention...but at the end of the day, i can get all of that stuff from someone else..

my mother keeps telling me "there are plenty more fish in the sea"..and while i know that there are...i need open my eyes and see them for myself.



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