dear you..

i am writing this directly to you (rather than in an email)..to give you something unexpected to read..
you think that this diary is filled with nothing but how much you hurt me or how evil you are - when really, that couldn't be further from the truth..

i love you..and maybe i dont say it as much as i should, but this diary is my outlet..a therapeutic vent by which i let of steam. sure, lately most of my steam comes from our relationship - but that doesn't mean you need to take it 100% personally.

all the words in here revolve around my interpretation of our situations. afterall, there are 3 sides to every story, and my version just happens to be the most passionate.
yes, you can be horrid and evil and nasty..(as can i)...but...if you read all entries rather than just a handful from the last 2 months, you would see all the bits where i tell the world how you are wonderful, and loving, and sweet..

someone who reads this diary has told me a few times now how articulate i am...i'm only articulate when it comes to writing about bad things...the good stuff i can only every put simply....as in, "i love you.."..

"why do you love me?" you ask yourself (and you occasionally ask me..)...

well...i never seem to be articulate enough to muster up anything greater than "i simply do"..but now..here..i want to use someone else's words to explain to you what it is about you i love most..

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly,
without complexities or pride;
so I love you
because I know no other way - than this :

i love you so that where I do not exist,
nor do you,
so that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so that your eyes close as I fall asleep.



i do love you..and that has never ever been under scrutiny..but i do want more..and hopefully, all going well - i will get that more with you..

we need each other for very different reasons, you and i....but....we still need each other, and that is all that really matters..*mwah*

now i hope you actually read this one...and that you keep it fresh in your mind..





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