she did not..nor is she..coming down at all..

in fact, until i sms'd her commenting on why i had not heard from her, i doubt that she had any thoughts of contacting me at all..

last nite, i sms'd her that if she couldn't sacrifice to keep this relationship above water, then i didn't want to hear any excuses - i just wanted to simply know...and this morning, her reason for not contacting me last night was simply that - she told me that i wouldn't accept her excuses, anyway..

i was preparred to run to melbourne today...in the midst of ALL my end of semester work (which pales in comparison to her work, i know *rolls eyes*)...to sort things out with her....and last nite, i couldn't stop thinking "why should I?"..so i am not...and i dont think she is at all happy with it...but i just dont fucking care anymore because i am the one who is ALWAYS bending over backwards and making sacrifices and i'm just fucking exhausted and sick of putting in effort and getting NONE IN RETURN. it probably looks like i put in no effort...but i do...i'm always rearranging my life and juggling everything and running back to melbourne when i really cant...and i am simply refusing to do that any more..

she just sms'd me telling me that no one will ever love me like she does..and maybe she is right. but i want so much fucking more than love at the moment that it's not funny..
i want someone to take over the world with me...to share a life (and all it's wonderous offerings) with...sam will not do that...sam can not do that...and i am sick of compromising myself to allow her to be exactly who she wants to be, when all i get is come M15+ version of myself that i truely do not like...

having said that...i do love her, and will miss her...but...i want the dannii that i know and love back...and i dont think i can have that with sam.



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