i have not been very hungry for the last few days, but about an hour ago i developed the most ravenous appetite that i've ever experienced...and am currently munching my way through the best chicken schnitzel burger that i've had in a long time...which reminds me, shit, i've double booked myself tonight *squirming*...mum's making me this big "welcome home (again) dinner"..and i've also got plans with kate and ant...oops...maybe if i can convince mum to have an early dinner here, i will be almost empty enough to enjoy the second course at kates *laughing*..i'm obsessed..

anyway..

the grrl...

i love her..

she has my heart..

i hate that so much needs to change..

and i don't know if it ever will..

she told me she is miserable without me, and i honestly believe her..*sighs*..

i have always wanted to grow old and nutty with her...but so many things get in our way...look at yesterday...*sigh*..
how can i ever make things right between sam and my mum??
my mother is an impossibly stubborn aquarian..and sam is an equally impossibly scorpio...can it be done??
mmmmmm..

i know i turn into a badd ass mo-fo and get all "i'm never going back near her again"...but really...who am i trying to kid??
i love her..
she loves me..
we drive each other crazy..
but..
it feels right..

last nite i was all "i'm gonna go fuck around again and that way she'll never have me back"...but i know i couldn't do that..apart from the whole spitting issue..doing what i did last time with nancy was such a mistake..and i still feel guilty. i couldn't imagine ever doing that again..

i dunno..

this isn't about sex..

this is about feelings..

i love sam, but sometimes she hurts me so much..

i just want everything to be easy.



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