i still can't sleep..although i know that i need to...cuz i have a big day of classes tomorrow..

my head is like a whirlpool at the moment...the events of the last few days are repeating themselves in my mind...
am i reflecting..?
analyzing..?
or what..?

i don't want a new relationship..
not at all..
even if it seems as if i've jumped straight from one bed to another..but really..my previous relationship had been dead in the water for a little while now, so really, this isn't a rebound thing..
no, REALLY
because i've had a long time to get my closure. i've had a long time to prepare for the end..and i've had a long time to think about what i want out of life..

so no..
this isn't a rebound thing..
it's new..exciting and fun..
there's a lot to be said for the akwardness of fumbling around in the dark with someone new..

i feel like i have so much to say to sam, though...like...all the stuff she never really *listened* to when we were together...and maybe she'd let me have my say and make my peace now. or maybe not. i'd like to know that she understands why i left. why i gave in. why i'm moving on.
it's not a her thing..but rather an us thing..
i spoke to her mum for a while this morning..she's a great lady...i have so much respect for her and how she's the centre of that family..i also respect how she used to be so homophobic, but learned (wrong word, but its late) to accept me for who i was and what i meant to her daughter..anyway..she asked me what had went wrong...and i told her "i truely don't know...i think we just want different things"..and that's so true...
sam and i are on 2 different paths..leading to 2 very different places...
we always have been, but for a while there our paths ran paralell..

i wrote once about the differences between sam and i. once, a long time ago..about how i loved that she posessed all the qualities that i didn't - and that the combining of those qualities would make it more cohesive..
now i know it's not like that..
opposites might attract..but only for so long...because in time, it's the differences that we originally find endearing and charming that eventually push people apart..

fuck i'm cliched at the moment..hahaha...
i think i've been depressing for way too long now..



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