i'm beginning to think that i'm addicted to banana lollies. you know, the lil clumps of yellow sugar in the shapes of banana?? well i love 'em...and i've almost polished off an entire 250g bag today..that's gotta be some kinda record for me! *laughing*...god i'm going to be extra hyper tonite with all this sugar on board...which is bad, considering i'm already wide awake as it is...and my poor grrl is curled up in bed asleep alone.

i had hoped for a more...umm...*exciting* night together...but it looks like that won't be happening...
no, i'm not on some kinda mad sex rampage again..but i had hoped that her and i would have spent a few hours in bed just talking and mucking around what what not...
it must be my bloody period with all these hormones running through my system...but i just want to touch her. no no, i'm not being dirty or subtly saying that i want to devour her or anything...but i just physically want my hand on her body...to feel her warmth...to just feel her...
not that i'd say no to a little action *eyebrow waggle*...but there's more to it than that.

the grrl and i used to have such an amazingly intense sex life...i mean, hell, there were stages there that i was amazed that i could stand up-right, let alone walk...but lately...there's not really much. normally i dont mind that at all, as long as there's some touching and kissing...but lately, even that has dwindled, too.
i know we've both been so busy with work and my studies and stuff, but sometimes i think time has to be taken out to enjoy the simple things in life...and i was hoping that this weekend we'd have been able to do that...but we didn't do too much today, and tomorrow's out (the grrl has a christening, and i have a nursing expo to go to)...so it looks like yet another week will be passing before we get to have some *our time* together..

we used to have so much *our time*...so very much...and then all of a sudden, all of our *our time* turned into *sharing our time with everyone else's time*...but i can wait. because if there's something about the grrl, it's that she's worth the wait.

today we went to k-mart (how very chic of us *chuckle*) in search of "tipping the velvet" on dvd. turns out the big k didn't have it, so we headed off to JB where we found a copy. so we curled up together on the couch and watched it together...we had both seen most of it before, but hadn't actually watched it all *together*..
there was one scene, where kitty was going down on nan, and the grrl said "i dont know about you, but i'm turned on", and i was...but i didn't do anything or say anything about it. it's almost as if i am too scared to initiate anything with her, for fear of being rejected...which is silly...but i really can't help it.
sometimes i think she's dropping hints, to see if i'm interested or not, but i just seem to dismiss them as passing comments, and i never try anything sexual towards her.

the worst part about having my period, is how the bloody hormones affect my libido...not that i've reverted back to my horny trucker-whore on crack phase, but still..
the other day i started writing the grrl something about me just wanting to be *touched*...when i say started, i mean i only really got around to putting phrases together in my phone. how desperate am i *L*, that i'm saving stuff like that in my damn phone...but i started writing...and tonite i was thinking about finishing it off, and putting it in a card. it's basically about me just wanting us to have a little more physical contact than what we have at the moment...but i dont want to seem overly forceful about it. i respect if she's not feeling overly sexual at the moment, afterall, we all go through that...but it's just getting to me in that my own mind is racing off in millions of other directions thinking about how she's not interested in me sexually any mroe, and i worry that what she's not getting from me, she might one day decide to go offf and seek out in others.
i've been overly protective and possessive towards her lately...and i think she's a bit curious as to where this sudden change in my personality has come from. afterall, in the almost 2 years that we've been together i've never once shown any posessiveness, as it's not really a part of my character. but lately...with all these thoughts circling my head, that's beginning to change.

sometimes, when she's online and girls send her messages, i find myself getting sooky and pesky and asking her all kinds of questions about them.
i think that she just puts it down to me being a goon and trying to harass her, when really, ilately i do find myself getting almost jealous and wanting to rip the phone cord out of the wall...and that worries me, because only once in my life have i ever dealt with the *jealousy* emotion (the whole linda and renee thing), and that ended bad, bad, badly...and proved, that i really don't do jealousy very well..*sighs*..

but anyway...enough babble from me....i have a nursing expo in the morning in the city, so i should probably go to bed and try and get a good night's sleep...hopefully all the sugar from these banana's wont keep me up too long...



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