i miss her..

i should have gone home while i was in melbourne today, but i'm a stubborn little fucker..

*note to self* - work on stubborness

i've thought so much about her and us today..and i'm so worried that my insane behaviour is going to seriously fuck up what we have. and that's the last thing that i want.
i just wish i knew why it was so physically difficult for me to talk to her. all i wanna do is open up and let her in and share all my drama with her..but really..when i try to, i can't ever seem to form the words or open my mouth. and i can only imagine how frustrating that is for her.

i was talking to an old mate of mine tonite (who also happens to be the grrls ex) and i found myself opening up to her like how i used to back in the days when i used to bitch about my ex. not that i was bitching about the grrl..but i was bitching about myself and how insane it is that i wont share my thoughts and feelings with her.

the grrl always tells me how much she hates that i can so easily open up to others, but not to her. and now talking to this old mate, i feel as if i've betrayed the grrl. not because i've said something i shouldn't have, but rather because i've actually spoken to the last person either of us could think that i'd ever turn to for advice.

but anyway...

i dont think the grrl is gonna go to work tomorrow, so i'm gonna try and get out of early and head home to her. my bags are already packed (what can i say, i'm preparred), so really, all i have to do in the morning is get ready and leave..

i only hope i can talk to her..



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