i wrote this earlier on today in notepad...but never had a chance to upload it...

2003-04-15 - 2:15p.m

mum had a fall yesterday...i dunno how bad it actually was, because i was at uni when it happened...but i walked in at 6 last nite only to be greeted by pog screaming "nanny had a fall"..and my fuckin heart sank..she seemed ok though. the gp had cleaned and dressed her cuts and scrapes, and i did her blood pressure and it was hovering around what is normal for her..
but i worried about her all nite long..
i even got up twice throughout the night to check on her in my sleep just to make sure..

really..

i dunno what i'd fuckin do without my mum. she is my rock..

her and pog went to melbourne this morning. mum feels safer in melbourne. not only coz all her friends are there, but because of the better medical treatment she'd recieve..and as much as i hate the thought of her doing that drive on her own, i guess she's kinda right..

i'm just glad that the grrl was here when it happened, coz mum would have had no idea how to contact me at school..

speaking of the grrl..grrr sometimes she infuriates me so fucking much that i just wanna slap her. so we've been up here 3 days now, and i know she's bored, but really, what would we be doing differently if we were at home? nothing, only it would be her house with all her comforts and she'd be able to find something to do, but here, she doesn't seem to have that luxury..
i thought that maybe we'd be able to spend some quality time together, but lately it seems that if i spend more than 6minutes in her presence then i am *annoying* her...
for fucks sake..annoying her?
god..

yesterday i came home during my break between classes, and i did something small that annoyed sam and she got all sooky..and now, again, today...i've obviously stepped over some line and she's sooky again...which is really bad because now i'm all angry and pissed off and we're not speaking to each other..
normally i would go and suck up and apologise to her...but i'm not going to because i have no fucking idea what i've done other than be enthusiastic and excited about spending time with her..sheeesh
and if that gives her reason to get all shitty and sooky then she may aswell pack her bags and head back to melbourne as soon as she can.
because i'd really like some peace and quiet.

fuck...i know she's bored...i'm kinda bored myself, too...but i have uni work and commitments and i was sooo excited that she actually suggested coming down here with me while i do what i had to do. afterall, how many fucking days and nights have i sat around the house in melbourne waiting for her to finish work or come home from something she's had to do?? too many...but i figure that's part of a relationship..

seems like maybe i was wrong...



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