i'm so fucking bored up here..*sighs*..

maybe it's coz rob is on camp..or maybe it's coz i'm counting down the seconds until we leave for sydney...but whatever the case, i'm just so fucking bored. i even spent most of yesterday in bed napping in the hope that it would make the hours pass faster..

and i miss the grrl..

yes, indeedy..i do miss her..

but i am allowed to miss her. afterall, you can't spend the greater part of 16 months with someone and then just have it stop...i'm going back to melbourne tonite, and i'm staying at the grrls and i'm going to pack some stuff (for sydney) and we're probably going to talk..and i have this really bad feeling in my gut that it's all just gonna come out wrong. i'm contemplating not staying there, but i do know that would upset her. i mean, i wanna stay there, it's kinda like home, ya know? but i don't wanna be there if it's just going to cause issues and dramas and headaches..*sighs*
it's hard for her though..i know that...i can hear it in her tone, and sense it in her messages, and i'm sure that tonite, i will see it in her body language. and i can't handle that. i hate knowing that i am responsible for someone that i care about hurting..it hurts me too...
just because our relationship had kinda come off track, and because our break-up was inevitable - doesn't make it any easier...
but anyway...maybe the trick is to not think about it...

so yeah..sydney...
am really looking forward to this trip..althought i'm as paranoid as all hell that something bad will happen while i am away, coz history shows that it will...but i have put enough money aside so that i can always fly home at the drop of a hat if need be. we were going to head up thru canberra, but considering the whole capital is on fire, it mite be safer if we just avoid that place...and yeah...i'm probably not ready to go back to canberra just yet, anyway...
but it's gonna be fun..i always look forward to road trips - especially to sydney...it's gotta be one of my favourite cities...


0 comment so far..