so i changed my layout again..this one, kinda symbolizes how i am feeling at the moment..

well..it's a start as to how i'm feeling..because quite honestly, i have no fucking idea who to decipher the mess whizzing around my head...

maybe this is how a breakdown begins..

or maybe i am just a tad melodramatic..

all i know is i am back in the valley for the next 2 weeks...and i have no idea how that will affect the grrl and i...2 weeks apart is a long time. and no matter how much either of us doesn't want to admit it - our relationship is hardly rock solid at the moment..

i spent most of today with alison, and it was nice..in fact, i had a really good time, and was quite bummed when it was time to get on the train and come back here. sam msg'd and called me a few times throughout the day, and as nice as it was to hear her voice, i just couldn't help but feel that her main motivation was to *check up* on me..i don't blame her tho..not that i would sleaze around on her, but with everything that's gone on over the last week, and my blatant honesty over my thoughts on alison - i wouldn't want me going out with her, either..



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