well don't i just feel like shit..
my head hurts..my eyes are burning...and i look like hell...i've just spent the last hour or so crying like a baby, and i had to go upstairs to my clinical teacher and tell her that i wouldn't be completing the rest of my clinicals here..
i'm so over clinicals...
i have so much in my head at the moment, that my heart just isn't in it.
i love clinicals..i love helping unwell people get better..but at the moment, i am really feeling too selfish to give a shit about anyone else but myself..

i emailed the grrl this morning when i got to the hospital, and i just told her how sick i was of everything, including her attitude..i don't think it went down very well.
i love sam..i have no doubt about that..but i am not preparred to sit back and let her act like my keeper, rather than as my girlfriend. i know sam has enough of her own shit going on in her head and life at the moment, without me adding to it..but i just don't want things to keep on going on as they are..
and truely..to be quite honest...the only way i can see them changing is for me to just leave.
but i don't want to just leave..
so i feel stuck..between a rock, and a very, very, very hard place..
now that i don't have to go to clinicals tomorrow, i think i will head back to mum's asap..i just really wanna be at home right now.

i miss my mum...i miss robbie...and i think most of all, i miss my dad...i was walking out the door yesterday morning, and out of the corner of my eye i saw the thank-you card that i had sent sam for coming to the funeral, and i just started at dad's pic and cried and cried and cried...these last few weeks are the first time since dad's death that i have really been *away* from mum, and it's really getting to me. i haven't spoken to the grrl about it, but i doubt she'd understand anyway...she gets pretty offended when i don't refer to her house as *my home*..so i don't wanna offend her any more by telling her i feel i need to go back to the valley..

but anyway...my head is banging even more, and now my stomach has started in on the action...i need food...


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