i decided to some into uni early this morning to study for my OCSA..*ha*..like i've even opened a book since I got here..*sigh*..
i tried studying last night, but it just didn't work..
i feel like absolute crap over this whole thing with the grrl..and i feel like crap for missing my science exam...and, well, basically i just feel like crap in general..
last nite had to be the worlds worst night sleep ever...i went to bed early thinking i'd do some reading in bed, but i ended up just laying there and tossing and turning until some time after 2..and then i woke up at about 6 because i forgot to close my curtains *d'oh*.. - sometimes i just hate daylight savings..
but yeah..on to the biggest thing of all...what in gods name am i supposed to do about this thing with the grrl?
anyone??
ANYONE???
really, i don't see any great and wonderful solution - because the way i look at it, we are always going to fight. yesterday i went thru some of the 600 emails that i have from the grrl over the last year, and in each one of them, all of our fights were preceeded by me seeing/talking to/talking about/bumping into/whatever with linda...so yeah, you really can say it's a recurring theme...
and what's even more fucked up, is the one thing i know that i can do to make the grrl extremely happy is one thing i am not preparred to do...and even if i didn't want anything to do with linda, i couldn't promise the grrl that because (1) it's a small town, and (2) kate is moving in there, so i'm always going to see her, and she's always going to be a part of my life..so yeah..it's pretty lose/lose if you ask me..
anyway, i have since decided in the 3minutes that i've sat here staring at my screen, that i'm not going to talk about this topic anymore..i'm not going to whinge, bitch or fight about it...in fact, i'm not going to do anything...
if the grrl wants to let me go over this, that's her decision. the ball is in her court..she's the one with all the threats and ultimatums..so yeah
i'm over deciding anything for a while.


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