i started working on a new homepage the other nite...it's a bit different to my last one, but there are still going to be some similarities. i was going to go for a whole new loook and layout, but after 5 minutes of procrastinating, i figured i really couldn't be bothered. afterall, it's not like anyone reads that shit. besides, my diaries here keep me busy..
so i'm still looking out the window..still waiting for her to come back..but i know deep down it's not going to happen..she's majorly pissed at me. i saw it in her eyes as i walked away.
i feel like a cunt for not screaming at her "please don't go"..but i just can't help myself. if someone's going to go to the effort to threaten to *leave*, then i'm not going to go to any effort to stop them. i've never done it for any other partner, and i'm sure as hell not going to start now...which is really hypocritical, considering i am sitting here expecting her to go against what she'd normally do and drive back to me.
this is our second *kinda major* fight in as many weeks..the last one was a silly one, but it really hurt me and i cried over it..i cried and layed in bed and actually contemplated leaving..but when she asked me if i thought about leaving i lied and said "don't be silly". but i did...i really thought about it..that's what made me cry..the thought of actually not wanting to be with her, rather, the thought of not being with her made me feel like shit.
i wonder if she's thinking about that at the moment...i wonder if she's driving along, in the rain, thinking about whether or not she wants to be with me...
jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble