fuck what a cunt of a day today has been *kicking my desk* i'm just glad that it's almost midnight -which means that it's nearly over.
let's just hope that tomorrow has more to offer..
so i'm listening to a lot of patti griffin lately, coz hedge mentioned her and i started madly downloading her stuff. this song, 'rain' is really good. in fact, it's been on repeat pretty much since i downloaded it.
but yeah..back to my day..
well it started out ok..
strangely enough, last nite i had a pretty fanfuckingtastic sleep - which is something that i don't normally get here in this house unless sam's here to curl up with.
but i digress..
later on in the morning i went into morwell and headed over to linda's to pack all my shit up and bring it over here. when i got there, i was actually quite surprised (not to mention pleased) that everything had already been packed and all that i really had to do was help them unpack it. i spent a little while at linda's where i had the pleasure of dodging daggers from fuckmongrel....god that woman shits me... i know she can't stand me (i'm glad actually, coz the feeling is mutual) but i just wish she wasn't so fucking sickeningly pathetic..*gagging*..really, linda's life is her own - but for fucks sake, can someone please explain to me what she sees in that cretin??
after we finished unloading all of my stuff here, linda hugged me and thanked me for helping her, and she pretty much told me that now nicky can stop whinging about it. but jesus christ, that skank is hypocritical. on one hand she wanted everything that was mine out of her house (*rolling my eyes*) but on the other, she didn't wanna get rid of my bench stools or little coffee table in a hurry coz she fucking uses them..*bleh* but i'll be back for them when i can be bothered.
sometimes i feel bad having this much dislike and contempt for this woman - afterall, she is linda's girlfriend and i should respect that. but i really do have a hard time thinking anything but evil viscious thoughts about her. it's not a jealousy thing...good god no it's not. i'm so over linda and i'm really happy that things ended the way they did coz she's moved on and i've moved on with sam - but that woman - fuck, she's as irritating as nails on a chalkboard!
but enough of this...
i guess the main reason that my day has been so fucking bad is cuz sam and i were fighting. everything was great this morning, then after i got home from linda's i was on-line chatting with sam and she told me i sounded *weird*..and that i "always sound weird after i've been with linda"..at first i got my back up, but then i agreed that 'yeah, i suppose i do'..and then bammm!..WW3 almost broke out...for about an hour we bitched to each other via MSN and e-mail..and then after that we resorted to nasty SMS's..
man it just got so fucking out of hand.!!
i can partly see sam's point of view - that it annoys her when i *react* to spending time with linda...but i don't think it's for the reasons that sam thinks it it.
i don't know why i get weirded out by seeing linda and nicky. i mean, hell, it's only natural for us to have both moved on after 9 months - but for some reason i just don't really wanna see it. i know linda's with someone else. and i know linda loves her. hell - i'm with sam and love her more than anything. but i just can't help feeling weirded out by watching fuckmongrel slide all over linda.
is it wrong???
maybe it is..*shrug*
but i really don't think it was something worth sam and i fighting over..
i thought all was getting better until sam sent me an email telling me: "...the one thing that i wont tolerate is my partner having thing for their ex.."..wqell fuck me if that didn't just feel like a big 'ol kick in the teeth. reading those words literally made my guts churn. at first i wrote some long-ass nasty reply about how she should probably "..finding a new partner who doens't have as many flaws as i do..", but then i thought that mighyt just be pushing it too far. so i settled for a short, succinct reply that pretty much said "..and i WONT TOLERATE a partner who thinks i have a *thing* for anyone else..".
fuck
the one thing i really fucking hate is when the person i am with doubts what i feel for them.
everyone who knows me knows that i have tunnel vision when it comes to sam..god..the last 6 months have been the best i've ever had - and i wouldn't trade that for anything.
but while i love sam, and would do anything to make her happy, i am not preparred to compromise myself by holding my thoughts and feelings in just because she might not like them.
i know that the subject of ex's is touchy for her...it always has been, and always will be. but for god's sake, there's as much chance of me dumping sam and running back to linda as there is...ummm...errrr...*trying to think of something that would NEVER happen* - as there is of me running off and having an affair with fuckmongrel! *ugh*..
linda and i have a past..and that will never change. in fact, i wouldn't want that to change, because i really believe that my relationship and breakup with linda taught me a hell of a lot and made me a much better person because of the experience. sure, linda aren't as friendly as we used to be..and we're probably less friendly than we have the potential to be - but we're still friends. i can understand sam having a problem with linda - afterall, she's the only one of my ex's that i think so highly of...but she's also always going to be there in my life some way or another.
as ant told me tonite "it's gotta be that way when ya live 1 town away from ya ex"
anyway..enough of all this..
kater, ant and i went out to the pub for dinner tonite, and it was really good to catch up with both of them like that. normally, the 3 of us don't all get to catch up at one time, and if we do it's at the rainbow room and we're normally half pissed. but tonite was good...
i think the thing that i'm going to miss the most when i head off to melbourne is kater. it's weird how now that she's living in the next town, i seee her even less than i did when she lives 200kms away.
anyway...i think i've babbled enough for one sitting...i'm gonna go to bed and hope that tomorrow has something better in store for me
*yawn*
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble