i just dont wanna be here anymore.
*sigh*
my parents have done nothing but fight all day.
actually, they've done nothing but fight all day every day since I got back here.

Something happened a few weeks ago..something kinda bad...and mum saw it as being all dad's fault. but i thought everything had settled down, so i went to melbourne.
boy was i wrong.
now it feels like it's only the beginning of the real trouble..like last week was just the calm before the storm.

dad's yelling..

mum's crying..

and before, about 5 minutes ago, my mother told my father that she hated him.

she screamed "for the first time in 30 years, i'm beginning to fucking hate you"
fuck..i don't know much about how my dad thinks, feels or processes things, but that musta ripped him apart.
there's no more yelling tho..but i'm guessing that's because mum's crying..
my mother is crying
my father is silent
and i'm here writing about it.

but there's nothing i can do...the issue is between them, and all i can do is occasionall play mediator, and every now and then pop in to the kitchen [it's been their battleground] and answer their questions when they ask me "who do you think is right, dannii"

personally, i think they're both right in their own way, but unfortunately neither or them see it from my point of view.
and for the first time in a very long time, i'm actually kinda worried about the stability of my parents relationship.
mum and dad are and have always been the best of friends.
yeah they drive each other fucking nuts, but that's what makes it so beautiful - coz no matter what one does, the other always defends their action or sees some (insane) reasoning behind it. no one understands my parents better than they do...
they laugh...they cry...they scream...they fight...but at the end of the day the hatchets are always burried and they snuggle up in bed and fall asleep in peace.
but not last nite...and not tonite..and probably not again tomorrow nite and the nite after.
sometimes i wish they'd never moved up here..sometimes i feel guilty coz i think it's my fault that they left their beloved melbourne to settle in this unfamiliar territory. they came up here seeking peace and quiet and have found nothing but the opposite.



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