she's pissed at me because i spent yesterday in melbourne with the girl instead of coming home on monday (which was what i had *promised* her i would do). i understand that she's cranky - but i was only coming home so that the wardrobe man could build me a new wardrobe and i had to empty my old one for her. hell...my train got in to morwell 9pm last nite, which would have made it 9:30 by the time i got home, which would have given me PLENTY of time to empty the damn thing.
but noooo..."that is not good enough, dannielle..."...
anyway....i had to crash at linnie's last nite coz i didn't have anywhere else to go. thankfully she was away for the long weekend and i had the house all to myself. don't get me wrong, it's not like i don't wanna see linnie, but at the moment i am just tooooo wrapped up in everything else to really want to be around her. i feel bad for thinking that, but right now i just feel unusually strange around linda. i know a lot of it has to do with my new found feelings for the girl (and my not wanting to mix the past with the present)...but there's something a little depper that i just don't want to deal with right now. no, i'm not harboring any deep dark thoughts of love for linda...in fact, if anything it could very well be the total opposite.
now that i am happy...and my once broken heart is now well and truely mended, i see my relationship/breakup with linda from an entirely different perspective. she hurt me. she hurt me alot. she gave up on me. she never respected my thoughts, feelings or insecurities..and they played a big part in our break up.
but i have no insecurities now.
i love sex..and have no issues with it.
i am embracing my body...and don't care if the girl sees me spread-eagled on her bed while the morning sun shines through [yah...i know...sorry about the mental picture]
i am with a woman who i feel 200% free enough to just be me with.
if i want to be a little shit around the girl...then i do.
if i want to say something totally fucking filty and perverted..then i can.
it's all very new to me, really...as i've never before felt like this around anyone.
i don't really know if it has to do with the girl, or if i have just grown as a person since my heart was last broken. whichever one it is, i'm not going to analyze it too much - or i'll shatter it's mystery and it's beauty. i'm just going to accept that i am who i am and i can be who i am without fear of judgement or rejection.
but again...
i write too much.and i just want to get outta this house. it's almost creepy being here by myself...i feel very much like an intruder who really shouldn't be here.
so i am going to go home...and try and make peace with my mother.
pfffft
~dannii
0 comment so far..
jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble