god i had a strange nite last nite...i am feeling so confused and frazzled at the moment and i just wish that everything would go back to normal and be how it was a few weeks ago. i know my life really isn't hard - in fact, compared to som of the shit ive felt in the past it's pretty darn easy...but i'm just having such a hard time at the moment with girls that i don't know what to do.

first it was nicole...she told me she really cared about me and wanted us to be together and i ran..i ran as fast as i could. it's nothing to do with nicky - she is soooo amazingly wonderful [and the only person that's really always been there for me]..and she would probably be a fantastic partner...but i wasn't ready...which seems to be the god damn story of my life when it comes to nicky *sigh*

then leanne jumped out of the *closet* and told me that she loved me and wanted us to be together...and again, i freaked out coz it's not what i wanted.

and now with ange...i told her that i liked her and maybe we should see if something would blossom..and as soon as things start to get more intimate...i freak out. it's not about ange...she is great..she makes me laugh...she makes me smile..she makes me feel the need to be no one but me...but i just don't know what to do. i know that i like her, but sometimes i think that what i feel isn't enough to get past what it is inside me that's telling me to go no further.

this is not a linda thing, tho...i mean, this is soooo not about her or my feelings for her. it's just about me not being ready to give my heart to someone else. not only that, i just don't think i want the responsibility of having someone else's heart in my hands. i don't wanna hurt anyone - but i am...

i've hurt nicky...leanne...and am most likely going to hurt ange...and who knows who i will hurt after her, and after her, and after her until i am ready to settle down and let someone else into my life. i want to talk to linnie...despite everything she knows me and my workings very well - and she can always see thru my facade when i am trying to be or do something that i am not...*sigh* this really is all getting me down.

but while the attention is nice, and it's very flattering to know that i'm in such demand - i just don't want it anymore. i wanna be me...dannii... no one ever noticed me before - what's changed now???

but...i've babbled enough...time to go to uni.

-dannii

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