actually - i think it is the first one.. life is good..things are getting better...my heart is definately mending...and my life is moving on. it's good to be able to talk to linda and just be friends. actually, it's great. we spoke on the phone this morning for almost 2 hours...two whole hours and it only felt like minutes...we chatted as friends do..and it was nice. it was different - but it was definately nice.

i am just so relaxed these days...more and more people are telling me how different i am, and how much funnier i am...but as much as i like hearing that, sometimes i feel as if it's offensive to linda..like as if it's her fault that i changed...it's no ones fault that a person changes - people change to suit their environment..and i just felt that linnie needed someone who was interested in no one but her.

i was watching tv last nite...that new "the secret life of us" show...and the koori chick said something that just hit the nail right on the head. she said - "it's our differences, not our similarities that keep us together...we all need something to push against...and we all need to feel unique" [god i watch too much tv] but she was right...i tried to suit linda...i tried to become what I thought that linda wanted. i look back now and know that while it's nice to be willing to change and give up lots for just one person - it's also the wrong thing to do..for both of the people involved. i think i will be trying real hard in my next relationship NOT to do that.. if someone falls in love with me because i am me - then by hell or highwater i am going to try and keep on being me.

but at the moment i am definately not looking for someone...i met elly when i least expected it...we got together when i least expected it...i found linda when i wasn't looking...and i fell in love before i knew it...and i hope that the next woman that falls into my life will come along when i least expect it.. if i am single for the next week, month, 6 months or a year it's all good...i am beginning to learn more and more than things happen when they're ready to happen - not when we're ready for them to happen.

~dannii

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