god it's great being back at school...having something to occupy my time and mind with. these last 2 weeks have just felt like they've dragged on forever - and i feel as if i have thought or spoke of nothing but linda (well, i probably haven't).

i stayed at her place last nite...we got to talking and i started crying and confessed my undying love for her. i didn't do it in the hope to get her back, i just felt that she needed to know that no matter what, i love her, and that is not going to change for some time. i know that..and i know that i've been denying it. but they say there are 7 stages to get thru grief, and i think i copped out and skipped anger for denial. but i don't think that i could ever truely be angry at linnie...i couldn't ever hurt her or scream at her or want to see her in pain. it's enough that one of us is feeling bad, it would be so much worse with two.

but i am not depressed...i am not suicidal...i am just a little (teeny weeny) bit sad that i can no longer do the things that i have come so much to love...it's weird not to hold her and hug her and squeeze her so tight that i never want to let her go...last nite i slept in her bed (yes - i was right..she wanted to talk to me about our sleeping arrrangements) and i didn't even hug her...it was so hard, but something that i know i need to overcome for both of our sakes. it was still nice to be there..next to her..and have her farting on me...hehehe at least there's something she still feels comfortable enough to do in front of me and not nikki

i was so worried that linnie was going to think that i had a problem with nikki..coz i don't. i think she is a great chick - almost good enough for someone as amazing as linda...and she has the potential to make linda extremely happy and that is all good with me.linnie needs happiness...she was stuck with col and his shit for so long...then the shit started with me...and while i so much wish we had had another chance i know that allshe was searching for was peace. i gave her peace for a little whil - and i am happy with that. i have a part of linnie's past that no one will ever have..and nikki has her future. but it's cool, coz we are going to be great friends, so ultimately, i will be part of her future, too.

linda told me last nite that it was very important to her that i be a part of her life...it hurt to hear that...but it was almost a good hurt. i thought my heart was damned near gonna jump out of my chest - but i knew she mean't it. she loves me...i am her little pet...even if there's no more sex...limited cuddles...and the occasional pat on the head - this break up has its bonuses.

anyway, on that note i need to get to class.

i'm off to kate's for the weekend so hopefully i'll have something better to write on monday.

ciao

~dannii

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