i bumped into this chick named addy...she's the niece of linda's new grrrl. she knew who i was instantly, which made me feel pretty bad - considering the last time that i saw her was at the last rainbow room almost a month ago back when linda and i were seeminly happy (well, together at least). i hate to think it, but it makes me kinda wonder if our relationship was planned. i mean, i know linnie and i had our problems, but i would hate to think that back then she knew she was going to dump me but she didn't do anything about it until i got sooky and started a fight. on the other hand, they could have just known me as linda's grrrl (coz i usually hung off of her at the rainbow room). which ever the case, i shouldn't dwell.
linda is happy...i will be happy, and eventually things will all be good.
i still can't face the thought of going back to mum and dad's once my weekend ends...i hate that thought.
i spoke to linnie this morning (she is off to lakes entrance with nikki and all the kids) and she said i could crash at her place on sunday nite. i'll crash on the floor of course, but it would be nice to just be able to snuggle up to her with no strings attached.
linda and i spoke lots yesterday...it was good to clear things up and air our woes. i think things are going to be great. i just wish it would get to great a lot sooner. everyone knows i want to move back in with them. it sucks that our house only has 3 bedrooms...but i think i would live in the garage at the moment. i love speaking to linda, and i love seeing her, but i don't want to move back for ulterior reasons. i just feel so at home there. it's a feeling i don't have with my parents. my friends are telling me "just give it time" but i don't want to give it time. i want to be back with what i know. not as lovers, just as mates (hmmm....have i stressed that enough, yet?).
i miss the kids...i miss picking up their shit and cleaning up their mess... i even miss the fighting and screaming between chris and amanda. it's funny how much we tend not to appreciate things until they are gone. i love my family - but their house is not home.
anyway, i digress...
last nite was fun...we didn't get back to cass's place until about 3am...all 4 of us slept in cass's king size bed...with little nekkid me right up against the wall...cass hugged me for most of the nite, and while it was nice, it felt very very wrong. i am not clinging onto linda, but at the moment it just feels odd to have anyone but her touching my naked skin...it was nice tho, nice to just feel protected.
i miss my linnie snuggles...it's nothing sexual, i just miss how she felt, and how she made me feel.
i would love just one nite of cuddling her...just one last nite of feeling protected by her.
who knows, maybe our friendship will allow us to have many nites of just platonic-no-strings-attached hugs...of fuck i would be in 7th heaven.
the weirdest thing about this breakup is all the hugs i am getting off of everybody...everyone is just so damned nice...it's not the same as a linnie hug, but it's getting there *smile* - see, i am even smiling again.
but i still don't know what i will do about school...i just have no inspiration....none at all...i am guessing it will come back...but i hope that it doesn't come back too late.
oh well - i need some sleep...i have another late nite planned with kater, and i would hate so very much to pike on her.
~dannii
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble