i have a feeling that today is going to be a "bad day"...i was listening to a tape that i made this morning for linnie...and i had a bit of a cry...i think i am 80% over the fact that we aren't getting back together (well...maybe 70%...maybe even less) but a part of me still hurts knowing that we're not "each other's" anymore...and it hurts alot feeling that she has just left me stranded out here... she called me last nite and woke me up (not that i mind)...i had left her a message earlier on in the afternoon and i thought that's why she called...so i said what i had to say and hung up...i didn't realize she had actually called just for a chat, so i called her back. she was at nikki's (the new chika) place so i told her i'd get going and that i'd talk to her later...it was weird speaking to linnie and knowing she was at another woman's house...it didn't hurt or anything, but it just didn't feel right. it took me almost until midnite to get back to sleep...i can't help but think of her just being with someone else...it's not as bad as it was last week, but i just wish i could see her...it's really hard only seeing her ever few days or so when i have been so used to seeing her every single minute of the day. if i lived out in morwell i think it would be easier...not so that i could stalk her, but just so that i could just "pop" in for a cuppa and then be on my merry way.
i'm going over to the house after my lab at 11...i hope that nikki is there..i need to meet her...at the moment, it is almost like a compulsion. i will probably cyr - but i think that both linda and nikki would understand and not take it personally. i mean, there are no ill feelings in me, not towards either of them. i have known for a long time that my linnie needed someone different...i just always thought that I could grow into that someone different.
i am heading to melbourne with pene and leanne after i go to linnie's, we're heading to a drag king show. it will be good to surround myself with all my mates (unfortunately kater won't be going)...i am only scared i will get drunk and turn into a sobbing mess *sniffle*...i am also a bit worried that my weekend in melbourne will turn into a week and i will really fuck up with school...but i am just so uninspired to be here at the moment. i just can't be fucked.
anyway, i should go...i need to go grovel to my lecturers for extensions....blah.
later ~dannii
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble