so i think it's time for a great, big (and long-overdue) entry.

i used to write so much in here..
there where times when i'd make 5-10 meaningful entries a day. but over the last few months the entries have become few and far between. and most of the ones i have write were probably just written for the sake of making an entry.
chele often tells me she misses my entries. even though we chat almost every night and i fill her in on everything that i'm up to, she misses reading my words. i tell her that i feel like i've lost my inspiration. this diary became so much a running commentary on the rollercoaster of "dannii and sam"...and when that ride finally stopped, so did my venting. it was almost like i had nothing left to say.
sure i've made a few decent entries over the last few months...but nothing like how i used to.
someone once told me that they could tell when i was sad because i would write as if my heart depended on it.
personally, i think i write better when i'm happy - because i have something decent to say..

anyway..
i guess i'm writing tonight because there is quite a bit going on in my head and i want to *debrief*, as such..and i want to share with those of you who are still interested in the going on's of my life.

so as i said in my previous entry - there is a girl.

yes, i know i've written those 4 words many times before..
there have been girls..i've met them.. liked them.. tried for something more with them.. but each and every time, nothing has eventuated. so much so, that when i proclaim a few of my close friends "there is a girl", they roll their eyes and start counting down the days before i make my fast getaway.
over the last 14months i've actually felt as if i were doomed. as if i was destined to live a life of meeting people and then running away from them.
that is..until now.

i know it's been said before - but there is a girl.
and she is wonderful.
the only difference between this girl and any of the others is that i actually want to be with her.
i find myself craving her company.
i pick up the phone to call her so many times a day, but resist the temptation because i dont want to seem to keen...but i call anyway...because i am keen..and i want her to know that.
it's so strange. we've only really *known* each other for a few weeks, but i feel as if we've known each other for ages.
when we talk, those walls that i worked so hard to put up over the last 14months just crubmle.
she's in my head and under my skin and i really dont want her to be anywhere else.

on my way home last night i sms'd chele telling her about how i've met someone that i really liked.
she asked me (in only a way that chele can) "can you imagine her being part of your life?". to which i responded "honestly..i couldn't imagine her not being part of my life"..which kinda blew even me away at first. because i do not say these things.
hell, i do not feel such things..until now.

anyway, i could go on rambling forever, but it's 2am and i have to be up in 8hours to go to brunch with a colleague...heh..how very grown up of me *L*..



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