i had hoped that after working 2 doubles with minimal sleep in between that i would be utterly exhausted by now...but alas, i'm not.

no siree..
instead of turning into a big pile of tired mushyness, i'm wide awake with nothing to do except wash my uniform and type down random thoughts..
how sad for me
i had written a pretty full-on entry from work today (thank god for the monash computers in the library) but for some reason it didn't upload..which is probably a good thing..given it's crappy content.

so i'm still consumed by thoughts of her..
i thought that keeping myself busy and distracting my head and heart by working insanely long hours with terribly demanding people would stop me from obsessing about the girl with the golden hair - but it didn't.
last night, i was haunted by her in my dreams. in one of them, we had gotten back together only to find out that she was dying. it was awful.
my dream (in my dream) finally came true and i got back the woman i loved - only to have her taken from me in the worst possible way. at least i woke up before she actully died..which is a good thing, i guess.

but enough of that - i dont want to think of her dying at all, even if it was just a dream.

so i was going to chuck a sickie tomorrow, but my conscience got the better of me and i compromised on a half shift. which isn't so bad. at least i get to sleep in until 7am, and then i can head off to melbourne at noon.
GAMSAT is on saturday, and i've totally sabotaged any chance of passing by not studying very much over these last few weeks. but i've had a slight change of heart and decided to spend all of tomorrow afternoon/night studying so that i can at least walk into it with a fighting chance. even though i do not think that i want to pass, i still can't walk into there hoping to be a total failure.
so we shall see what happens.



0 comment so far..