turns out that my old diary hadn't been deleted like i'd thought..rather, it just hadn't been *uploaded* to the diaryland server...so most of tonight, i've been reading old entries that i thought were long gone..and reminiscing down memory lane.

my relationship with that girl was so rocky...it had more ups and downs than a bad rollercoaster. but for some reason i can't seem to move on. i can't let go. and i can't get past her...the girl with the golden hair.

it's fucked..

all last week i had someone that could very well be "miss right" right here in my room...for a whole week...but i was so totally consumed with thoughts of her.
then on friday, whilst on our way down to melbourne, i decided to pop into knox and visit her..after all, it'd been quite a while (since the funeral) since we'd seen each other. it was weird being back at the house..what was even more weird was that the house was exactly how i remembered it...even the smell.
not that i had expected it to change dramatically over the last 14months, but i really didn't expect it to be exactly the same.
it was weird - i was only there for a few minute, but years worth of memories came flooding back to me. silly little things that i had totally forgot even occured came rushing back. i almost had a panic attack.

i dunno why she still affects me the way that she does...but she does. after all this time, she still has the ability to make me melt...
it's kinda fucked..
but kinda nice, all the same..

i dunno why i still hold on to her and our memory...i know it's sad and pathetic after all this time...but...bleh...

more on this later.



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