i still can not sleep.

i know it's late and i should be in bed...but i just can not bring myself to crawl into that bed. alone.

i miss her..

i miss her more than i should miss someone after a year.
hell..i miss her more than i should miss someone after a lifetime.
and it's distracting.

just when i think it's all good.
just when i think it's safe to go back in the water again.
bang..
she jumps out of he darkness and knocks me on my ass.
it's so fucked.

why..
why after all this time does she still occupy my mind..
why do i still experience the chest-tightness and tingles when i think of her..oh-so-briefly..
why her..why now..why here?
it's so fucked..

i 1 week..7 days..it will be a year..
one whole year.
since the end.
and i still fucking pine for her.
i long for her touch..to see her smile..to kiss her neck. for all those silly little stupid things that i always took for granted, because i always just assumed i would be doing them forever..and ever..
hell, sometimes i even miss the fights. because even though they made me crazy, they were full of passion. she could yell at me, throw things at me, and call me an evil little cunt - but i always knew she loved me. i knew it by the way she would look at me.
i could feel it in the intensity.
right or wrong. good or bad. we loved each other.
and i miss that..

bah..
it's nearly 3am and i'm still babbling..
my foot is still dodgey..
i still have 10 fingers and toes.
2 eyebrows and a nose. a liver. lungs. kidneys.
i still have my heart.
it just beats slower.



0 comment so far..