my beloved nanna is dying...

today...halfway through work i got a call from mum telling me we need to go down to melbourne to see her..because she's asked for us...so i left work...rushed to melbourne...and spent a few final hours with one of the most amazing women i've ever known..

she's such an adorable old bird...and i love her so much...but i know that for the last few years she's been waiting to go be with her bobby (my dad)...and now she's going to get her wish.

she's not gone yet...i hope i dont sound awful in saying that...but i know how much she wants to go and how at peace she is with the thought of dying, that it's almost cruel to know she's still clinging to life.

i love her...and will miss her....but i respect where she's at and i understand why she wants to go.

who knows..by now she could very well be gone. mum told the people at the nursing home to not call is in the middle of the night if something happens - but rather to let us know after 9am. which is fair enough...because there is nothing we would be able to do if they called us. we're 3 hours away..
that probably sounds awful and horrid and cruel...but i think we're all very at peace with this.
i know nan is..

tonite..when i was sitting with her...i told her to say g'day to bobby for me..and she smiled this big, beautiful smile..and told me she sure would.
unfortunately, mum walked in right and i said it and broke down. i think she thinks i am nuts..but i guess i deal with enough death to know that it's not necessarily a bad thing. and it's certainly not bad when someone is sitting there care-free, comfortable and waiting for it.

of course, i'm sure i will feel much different once i find out that she's actually gone...and i will want her back...and all the usual jazz...
but for now, i'm gonna make a toast to my nanna nellie..

and her bobby boy.



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