"I'm scared.. scared that I'm wasting my life .. no, i dont mean by being with you.. but i mean just by existing*.

I dont wanna do this anymore.. this work and get nothing. This get throughday to day thing. When i look back.. i have not much to be happy about other than you."

there was a time...oh i can't remember when...when sam would have actually mean't those words...

and while i dont think i could ever forgive her for all the horridness of the past few months...i will hold on to what she wrote me up there and believe that there was a time when it was true.

now i really have to make an effort to not contact her at all..which is hard...because no matter who i email or sms, my fingers automatically type in her number or address...it's like second nature...
but..
i will have to stop..it's gonna be hard...but if i remember how bad she's made me feel lately i should be able to..

i am also going to believe that she didn't mean what she said to me..only because i dont want my last memories of sam tarnished by that trash...i want to remember her as the audacious blonde that i fell in love with...with the bright eyes and spunky smile...
cuz that's my sammie..
not this fucking monster that she's been replaced with.



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