i just wrote sam the biggest longest email i have ever written..and now i'm worried she's going to think i'm fucked in the head..

heh..maybe i am..but i really dont want her thinking that. she likes to believe she is the unstable one in our pair, and i like to let her think that *laughs*...but yeah...she's going to think i'm nuts.
she already asked me once today if i was on drugs (something about being able to fly - what was i thinking)..and now she's going to be convinced.

but i shouldn't care..because i mean't every single word that i wrote.

i started off writing about us, individually as people..and moved on to our relationship..and ended up finishing with how much i wish things were different and that she'd be able to move up here so that we could live and build a life together.
i know it wont happen..but fcuk me it's nice to dream.

a friend of mine just moved almost 2,000kms away to be with her grrl (after a year of long distance lovin)...and my (ex..whatever) grrl couldn't even move 10% of that distance to be with me..and allow us to get back on track..*kicks desk in frustration*..

i told sam in my email that while i'd like to be able to try again with her, i know it wouldn't work because i will not do the long distance thing again in 2004. i'm sick of our fucking fucked-up long-distancem part-time pseudo relationship.
sick of it..as you all have heard a zillion times.

but i can't do it any more..it's been like living in limbo..for the last 12 months especially...with all the fighting and crazyness..and i can't imagine that the next 12 would be any better considering we'd be facing more time apart..less time for lovin..*sighs*..

anyway..i just got totally tired all of a sudden. and i need to pack and go to melbourne tomorrow (perhaps dinner with sam?)..alison and i are flying to newcastle on saturday..and i have to have stuff ready. we;re flying up, and driving her new lid-less car back..great...a fucking convertible with no roof..and it's bad wet weather up and down the east coast.
*not to self*
"...buy a hat...."



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