after too many glasses of red wine, port, and muscat - i decided that tonite would be a good nite to color my hair.
afterall, i tend to run to the bleach bottle each time sam and i break up..and why should this time be any dfferent..heh..normally i am quite sober when i do it, and somehow i fuck it up and have to fix it up the following day..but tonite i'mthinkin that i'f i'm half tanked and determinde, then i might do a pretty fucking hot job...hahaha...i'm sure there is logic in it somewhere..

yes..i've been drinking a little bit more than susual lately...but after the little winery tour on saturday nite i have discovered a palate for red wine and muscat. besides, a few glasses makes me all fuzzy inside and for a little while i forget abouthow much i miss sam.
we chatted briefly today. actually, no...we just emailed. i sent her what i thought were some kinda important emails (well..more like important questions) and she's yet to reply..which is good..because when shemakes me wait on the important things, it reinfocres where i sit on her list of priorities.
dont get me wrong..i'm not being nasty or bitchy..i'm just saying...i know i'm not the most important thing in her world..and i wonder if i ever have beem.

i had a conversation with doozer tonite..you know...sams ex that i affectionaltely refet to as evil skank cunt..and she made some sense..of course, she could have been saying anything to make me wanna stay away from sam so that she can live happily ever after with her (which i kinda doubt)..but...but she made sense of things...about sam. afterall, dooz knows sam as well as i do...and...and i forgot where i was going with this...other than each time i start feeling bad and sad about the break up...somethinghappens to remind me why it could possibly be a good thing.

i do love sammo..but i'm still standing on my "i wanna be treated differently" ground. and i do...and if not by sam...then by whoever is willing to treat me that wat. not that i'm currently on the prowl for a new and improved partner...but i mean in the future.

i dont really know what i want i a partner..because each time i think about it a picture of sam pops in to my head...but i know what i dont want.
i dont want someone that seems to have just settled for me..and is with me because i putup with their shit.

anyway..
i'm off to melbourne tromorrow...to catch up with some old friends...i would like to see sam...to make shre she's ok...but i dont think that that would be my wisest idea..

..i shouod go check on the color of my hair..



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