so the grrl and i have been emailing each other since i got in from work.. and true to all of our great on-line epics, it's snowballed beyond recognition..*sighs*...because we are both a pair of stubborn fucks.
am i truely being unreasonable??
i know a side of this ex that i do not like..one that has shown to be cunning, manipulative, sneaky and trouble-making..
the grrl says "she has changed"...
but my instincts tell me "unlikely"..
even so, even if i do look at her in another light, it won't change the fact that she messages and feels some kind of need to be constantly in communication with my grrl..
so am i being unreasonable?? really...let me know..
i want some advice/feedback, here..
so i'm listening to ani..and she always makes me think..
"what kind of paradise am i looking for" she asks.."i've got everything i want...still i want more.."..
do i want too much from the grrl??
in my last relaionship, my partner had an unsually (and disgustingly) close friendship with a mutual friend of ours...we fought....i yelled...she screamed...we threw things...all because i felt is was inappropriate for another woman to be so close, flirtations and sexual with someone other than me.
it became so heated, that at one stage, i had this woman up against the wall, with my hand wrapped around her skinny little throat, trying to suck as much life out of it as i could..
yes boys and grrls, it got that intense, that there was a time when i could have resorted to extreme physical violence..
for weeks leading up to the incident, the pair decided it was fun to rile me up, and see how far they could push my buttons...i told them both of my concerns and hurt feelings...but neither listened...and looking back, my ex was just as bad as the other woman, only at the time i never acknowledged that..
but my point (and i did have one)...is that i dont often get these feelings of insecurity and jealousy..and not often can another person rile up my little green moster - so now, when it happens, i take notice..
i do not deal with jealousy well.
hell, i do not deal with it all.
instead i turn into a green eye'd evil person..
and the fact that the grrl and i are fighting over this person (or rather, we're fighting over my issues about this person), it's making me resent this person, more...
the grrl told me that perhaps i didn't know this person in the same way that she does (well...considering they are ex's, one would hope..)...but quite frankly, i've seen enough of this person's personality...and while all people are capable of change, it's my perogative on whether or not i
but it's not even that i'm worried about her trying to steal my grrl back or whatever...it's about me not trusting her or liking her almost obsessive attitude towards my woman...
it's also about me feel even more insecure because my grrl seems to have forgotten how awful it feels to feel threatened by an ex, and it seems that she'd rather pick shit at this and fight with me rather than try and resolve something...
this is all going around in circles, though..so i'm just going to drop the topic, ignore the subject, and hope it all goes away...
ending music: 'reckoning' - ani difranco
0 comment so far..
jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble