the grrl asked me last nite whether or not i still loved her...and it totally threw me off track.
sure, these last 2 days have been a bit rocky with me being an inconsiderate bastard, and her being a litle over-sensitive..but never had i ever thought that the grrl was feeling unloved...*sigh*..
normally i would have yelled at her for asking such a stupid question, but considering the line of questioning, i thought that yelling possibly wouldn't have been the wisest thing to do...

since all the crazy shit that went on over christmas and new years, the grrl and i have had a fantastic time together, with the exception of a few silly niggly arguments, but everything has just been so peaceful..i know that we've both been distracted with work and study and stuff, but i don't know how she could think that i don't love her...i understand how she could feel that maybe we take each other for granted every now and then...but as for being unloved...mmmm...i don't get it.

maybe the sex issue is part of it..maybe the grrl thinks that because i never initiate anything, that i don't want her..and that if i don't want her, i musn't love her...

sure, i should be talking to the grrl about this and not rambling on about it in an online diary...but sometimes, i have to sound things out before i can open up and actually talk about them...
and i know i need to talk to her about this..

sometimes the grrl gets extremely frustrated that i never talk to her..that i never open up, and let her inside my head..
but really, honestly, most of the time i have nothing to open up to her about. sure, i have some lil issues of my own (who doesn't)..but i can honestly say that i don't have any huge, deep-seated, festering issues that i want to express...
she feels that i keep things from her, when the truth is, most things i don't think are big enough to share...
take for instnace, my recent trip to broken hill with alison...some things were done and said on that trip that sam found out about afterwards, and asked "why didn't you tell me?"..when really, i didn't think they were worth gossiping about...

to the grl...my lack of the gossip-gene often translates into "dannii is keeping secrets from me"...which kinda gets to me sometimes, but i can also step back and look at it from her perspective and see how it would paint the picture of me being a secretive little shit..

but, believe it or not, i do know when it's better to fess up about something that not say anything at all..like yesterday...
yesterday i went up to belgrave and spent some time with alison, before piercing her nipple..ok...the grrl has previously expressed her thoughts on my going anywhere near alison's nipple...but i did it anyway. not because i wanted to do something that the grrl didn't want me to, or because i wanted to cop a cheap feel of alison's boob..but rather because i knew that alison wanted her nipple repierced and i felt confident enough to do it...simple..
i had thought about not telling the grrl, but then i came to my senses and knew that my keeping something from sam that she'd eventually find out would make me look even more like a secretive, lying, little shit..

but i think i've gone way off topic here...

so as of tomorrow, the grrl has 2 weeks off...yay...and i can't wait to just spend time with her knowing that i don't have to run off and go back to uni...we're thinking of going up to broken hill to see simone and kerrie...which will be great, because in almost 2 years together, the grrl and i have only been away once, and even then that was only 2 hours from home...so i'm really looking forward to a nice long road trip with her...just the two of us, stuck in a car with nothing to do but talk to each other for at least 8hours each way...*giggling*



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