schnooochums called me before..
i feel like an ass..i mean...what do you say to someone who'se father is laying brain dead in a hospital, and you're just waiting for them to turn off the ventilator??
thankfully, she told me i didn't have to say anything..but i still feel like an ass..

schnooochums is too young to lose her father...rather, he is too young to die...
i don't really know what to write at the moment. i have all this stuff whizzing around in my head and my heart and all i wanna do is sit down and cry for her..for him..for the whole family that is going to lose a great father/husband/brother/son...it's just fucked..

i only really met him a handfulla times...and each time he was a great, big (well..short and round *smiling*) smiley man who treated me like one of the clan. he had a way of making someone feel instantly comfortable - something i rarely feel around fathers (mostly coz i'm paranoid that they think i'm trying to bag their little grrls)...

schnooochums laughed before..several times...and that was like music to my ears. i remember when my dad died, i was too scared to laugh incase someone thought i was being disrespectful..and holding in all my laughter seemed to just make the tears come harder. so i'm glad that schnoooochs laughed.
i will try to go to melbourne on wednesday. i have a 9am class, but i could head down after that and be back here by 9am thursday...just in time for class...yes..*nodding*...i will do that...

right now, i just wanna give her a great big squishy hug, like every hug she's ever given me when i've needed one..



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