7:30 and i'm up and online..what is this world coming to??

the grrlie just left for work, and i did think about going back to bed, but my nose started bleeding like a bitch, and by the time it stopped i was wide awake. damn this heat..damn it to hell! i can see it being a very long summer if i'm going to haemorrhage each time the temp goes above 30 *sighs*..

my star sign this morning said something about me being practical about my dreams..and that i need to "Realize that all your talk is still just talk until you manifest it with your own two hands."..yup..i've been all talk lately...especially last nite. the grrl and i were in bed..and we'd just had a shower (only good thing about this weather is all the showers!), and something came up about sex..and of course, i only said what i'd said jokingly (because, well, sex hasn't been our biggest priority lately) and it turned out that the grrlie wasn't joking, and she really was hinting for sex, and i totally freaked out and got all coy and shy and started fumbling like a fucking inexperienced teenager..*shaking my head*

what happened with me?
..there was a time when i would have gnawed through my arm to get near a grrl, but all i can seem to manage lately is a quick kiss, or a (very unromantic) fondle or something...it's like i have no idea what to do, and even less self confidence with which to do it *sighing*..

there was a time not so long ago where all the grrl and i would do was have sex *laughing*..and for a few months there, i don't know how either of us even managed to walk straight..but i guess like all new couples the novelty wore off after a few months, and we found out that there were other things we enjoyed doing. i'll admit, the last 6 months has been fairly uneventful in the bedroom, but we've done so much else in other aspects of our relationship, that the lack of sex didn't really bother me. not only that, but the grrl had mentioned to me that she wasn't overly interested in sex lately, so i figured that that was just how it was going to be..and now, now i'm *stuck* in some kind of rutt of my own, and i have absolutely no idea what to do to get out of it..
i know what i should do...i should wait for the grrl to get home, and i should *censored censored censored #@**@^@!$%^& **$#@! !@#$$!@!^@ Censored censored censored*..
i know i should do that...but i don't know if i could do that..
it sounds silly, coz sex is not a hard thing to get right..in fact, it's pretty damned easy..so why am i feeling like such a novice??
she asked me last nite if it was because "i'm not attracted to her"...and i had no idea what to say. not that i didn't know the answer, but how do you answer NO to something so adamantly, and not have it sould like "you're just saying that because"..i am very attracted to the grrl...am just as attracted to her now as i was 15, 16 months ago...maybe even more attracted to her...but for me to tell her that, she'd just brush it off as me just saying that to keep the peace..when really, it couldn't be more true.

but..i'm over thinking about this topic...because it's beginning to make me feel really bad...so i'm just going to go what i've always done when it's come to grrls and sex - and i'm gonna dive right on in (no pun intended *cheeky giggle*)



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