my star sign from this morning said
"Feel free to act a bit more selfish than you would normally, dear Aquarius. Make sure you take care of yourself before you go spending all your resources on trying to save the entire world. Matters of the heart are especially important to you today. You will find that love comes easily and quickly when you open yourself up to all the possibilities. Expand and extend yourself outwards to the people around you."
mmmmmm..
i have been thinking heaps over the last few days about me and sam and our relationship and the damage that all of my time away is probably creating...so i had decided that apart from my school commitments, and the occasional family thing, i am going to severely limit any time that i have away from the girl.
i was talking to her about it yesterday, and she said that, although our time apart is not hurting our relationship, "it just feels like we are living two totally seperate lives that occasionally collide'..and this totally freaked me out...i've seen enough of what the 'two seperate lives' feeling can do to a couple, and i certainly have no desire for the grrl and i to end up that way...
yesterday, i was driving back from the trainstation to home, and robert told me that "you spend too much time away from us aunty, you need to be here more often"..and i felt bad, like i'm totally sherking my family responsibility (even though i know i'm not)..but it's just so hard to explain to a 9 year old that i have a fantastic life in melbourne, and a great big part of that life involves sam. i mean, i'm 24 years old..if i was straight and married, no one would expect me to constantly run back home to mum..but because i'm queer, my relationships don't seem to hold as much weight...that's probably my own fault for not jumping up and down and screaming
"HELLO..I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT MEANS MORE TO ME THAN ANYTHING ELSE"
but i guess i was kinda hoping that it wouldn't have to come to that..
i came straight back here because mum was having trouble with my sister, and because of the whole health scare on monday nite..and i've told mum that i'm heaqding back to melbourne tonite to spend a few days with sam...mum knows i love sam, and i wanna be with her, and she doesn't give me any grief over that...but i know that as soon as something goes wrong, everyone else in my family will expect me to drop everything that i'm doing and come back here and support mum. i love my mother, and i love being here for her, but i also love my sam and our relationship..
sam sometime says "your life would be so much easier if you didn't have to worry about me", but it's not a case of worrying about her..or even a case of my life would be easy with out her...it's a case of me loving here totally and completely and wanting to build a life with her, but sometime i have other commitments that seem to get in the way..
hopefully, this time next year i will be finished all of my schooling and that means that there will be no more 3-4 nites a week a way from her..sure, i'll still have to do the family thing every now and then, but that's ok, because that won't involve night after night away from my girl.
anyway, i need a shower..
0 comment so far..
jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble