and while we'd all been expecting it for the longest time, it didn't make it any easier when it actually happened..
thismorning i called home to have a yak to mum, and i heard him talking in the background. he was there..right fucking there..probably doing laps of the kitchen looking for something to eat. he always did that.
i never got to speak to him tho..coz my $2 ran out and i told mum i'd call her back after lunch.
i did call back..only dad wasn't there anymore..
i should have been there..for no reason other than he would have been surrounded by his whole family at the moment he left..but, typically, i wasn't there..
i was here, 8 hours away..
kate is amazing..she just bought me a plane ticket home..i said i was happy to wait until tomorrow to leave, but she said no..i think she knew that deep down, i wanted to be right there wrapped around my mummy..
three times i've spoken to her in the last 2 hours, and about a hundred times she's told me she loved me. love isn't a word that's used often in my family..but when it is it's meant..
my sister told me that luckily she was able to tell dad she loved him this morning..i wasn't..i wish i had have..i told him last week tho..last week was the first time in maybe 10 years that �'d said it to him. and not only did i say it, but i really mean't it..and he knew..he told me he loved me and he as glad he'd had a chance to see his girls grow up..he told me that that was a luxury that some parents never got to see - and he was glad for it..
i only wish he had the luxury of seeing rob grow up, too..i spoke to the boy before..he was crying like i'd never heard...he told me he loved me and begged me to come home..i told him i couldn't, not today, anyway..he told me he loved me..i told him i loved him...so much love hasgone around my house today...and i hope that, wherever my dad is, that he knew..
he was happy these last 6 weeks..my sister was out of jail..i'd been spending time at home..and the week before last he got to see his entire family in the same room - no screaming, no fighting, no nothing but happiness. i'm glad he got to see that..
my dad had his faults, but he was one of the most loving men i ever knew..sure he could be an asshole, sometimes even a cunt..but for the most part, his heart was in the right place..we just clashed coz we were so different - but now i'm wondering if maybe the only reason we clashed was because we were so damn much alike..it's just a pity it took me so long to work that out..
jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble