i stayed at kater's last nite..her, ant and i all went over to the cinema and saw 'the time machine'.
i wasn't really in the mood for movies or socializing last nite, but coming over here kept me from being at home and having to deal with my shit head of a father.
normally, i just choose to ignore the man, but yesterday wasn't so easy. he'd invited michale down from melbourne to come up and visit him and look at the new house. and while i have no problems with michael, i do have a problem when my friends are their and my dad caries on like a fucking moron and introduces michael as "my boyfriend" and the "love of my life".
does he not remember who michael is?
or does he just choose to remain ignorant?
does my own father have so little respect for me that he can just invite this guy over to our house - into my sanctuary - without even considering my feelings?
it's not that i have a problem with michael (anymore). he doen't scare me. he doesn't frighten me or freak me out - he lost that ability long ago. but still, somethings i do not want pushed in my face. and some things i have no desire to remember.
call it avoidance.
call it what you will.
it's not that i want to forget that part of my childhood...i just don't really want to have to remember.
and i don't want to deal with inconsiderate fucks like my father who can just bring this guy into my world, then in front of my friends refer to him as my boyfriend.
i knew dad was joking.
he was trying to be funny.
but while some things in this world are definately humorous - others are not.
i just felt like a complete fucking dickhead when dad said it. simone looked at me and rolled her eyes, and we both let out a little chuckle. but man i was squirming like you wouldn't believe. i don't know if sim or claire or anyone else noticed it, but it made the goddamn hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
i don't like being made to feel like that. especially not in my own fucking home. but there really wasn't much i could do or say to dad that wouldn't cause a scene that i really didn't want to be associated with. but i realy wanted to scream at my father.
i wanted to embarass him..
i wanted to make him squirm just like how i had in front of my friends.
i wanted to remind him of who this guy was and what he'd done to his "little girl" back when she really was just a "little girl". if simone and claire hadn't have been there, i think i would have. not out of spite for michael, but rather for my father for being such a complete and utter inconsiderate fuckhead.
i dealt with what michael had done to me. and from what i can remember, he paid for some of it, too..
i am a big believer in time heals all wounds...it's just unfortunate that my father is unaware that blood should be thicker than water.
but i've babbled enough..i needa shower.
jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble