i laid down and all i could do was toss and turn and toss and turn and toss some more.
i miss sam..
i've become so used to sleeping besides her that it just feels wrong when i'm in a bed without her..i was going to bring her pillow home with me, but i was in such a ruch for my bus this morning that i simply just forgot..
and now i can't sleep...
and i feel like a cunt for being so cold to linda on the phone...well, i wasn't really a cunt, but i wasn't the most sympathetic ear...i was so fucking self-centered and self-absorbed that i couldn't put down my walls long enough to simply be her friend..no...i couldn't just be a mate, rather i had to turn her pain around and make it about me, Me, ME...i'm so fucking selfish sometimes...and i have no right to be selfish when it comes to her...no right at all...
yeah we were a couple once...big deal..
yeah we were in love..but that's all gone now...next..
i need to learn to separate my past with linda from my future...i need to stop behaving like a jealous and protective lover and just be a caring friend..
i need to not focus on my silly little thoughts and feelings and turn them into life-stopping dramas.
linda is my friend..and no matter what i think or feel about nikki should never cloud that. afterall, i'd like to think that should sam and i ever head down the path that linda and nikki are on, that linnie will be my tower of strength.
sometimes...i really need to grow up and think more of others..
is it too late to make new years resolutions??
i need to stop judging that which i'm not a part of..
i also need to stop criticising those that my friends love..
i wanna be a better friend and lover... but i know i need to work a little harder to achieve all of these goals...but for now, i'm gonna go try and unwind.
jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble