well i survived....barely.

today turned out to be a pretty good day - even if it did have pretty shonky beginnings *laughing*

kater and i drove up to shepparton yesterday to spend the afternoon/night with her family, and at about 11pm we decided to head back to melbourne. we didn't get home until just after 3, so i was pretty tired. on the way home i got bored so i decided to call linnie [ahhhh...the wonders of freechat] and i told her that we'd probably be up there to see her.

later on that morning [at about 8] the girl SMS'd me so I called her back and told her my plans for the day.

mmmm.....and for some reason, she didn't take my "i'm-going-to-spend-christmas-day-with-linda-and-co" very well. i don't really blame her, coz i wouldn't be too happy if my new girlfriend was going to spend a day as important as christmas with her ex..but under the circumstances, i really didn't think she'd have too much of a problem with it.

boy was i wrong.

but after a few SMS's, some phone calls and a teary visit later, all was sorted out. :-)

i adore the girl...and linda is also very special to me...and i'm thinking that they really need to spend a bit more time together and get to know each other a little better.yeah...linda is my ex and she's probably one of the most special people in my life, but she's certainly no threat to the girl. apart from the fact that i have no will or desire to get back with linda, the girl's safe in the fact that linda most-certainly has no intentions of getting back with me. we're just 2 ex's who were lucky enough to get thru some wicked shit and remain good friends...and i wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

spending today with linda was great...yeh sure, it was weird being "the mate"...but we had the best time and some great chats..and i think at the end of the day that's more important to me than anything else. when i think of linda, i think of a friend who's always going to be there for me, no matter how much of an infuriating little c*nt i become...a friend who'll do as much for me as i will for her...and a friend who's always going to have that extra special little piece of my heart.

we all know i've never been one to remain friends with ex's..but with linda it's so different...in fact, some times when i look at her i damn-near forget we ever were lovers...not that it was such a forgettable relationship, rather because we've come so far forward, that it's almost an insult to look back.

sometimes the girl will make comments about linda and my feelings towards her, and they really irk me. not because it's none of sams business, but rather because i don't really spend alot of time thinking about linda in that way unless someone else puts the thought in my head.

i can't explain my thoughts and feelings of linda...i never really have been able to and i guess i never really will be able to. but the one thing that is for sure - losing linda was the most painful thing that i've ever had to go thru, but it was also the greatest lesson i ever learned...she is very special to me, and she's always going to have a big place in my heart...but so will sam. ok...so right now, the girl is definately no linda. but that doesn't mean that i don't love her. i fell in love with her not too long after we started going out, and that scared the bejesus outta me. not because i didn't think i was ready to love again after my break up with lin, but rather because i've never fallen for anybody quite so quickly.

my relationship with the girl is the most passionate and intense thing that i have ever known. sure, it's far from perfect, but god, there isn't a minute that passes when some kind of sparks aren't flying....and i'm not talking bad, angry, cranky sparks...i mean the wonderful ones that give you whoooooshes and gooosebumps.

the girl came over to kates this morning...and janet told me that "her eyes light up whenever she sees you", and i gotta tell ya, having someone say that certainly made me pretty darn happy... i've been hearing janet's voice over and over in my head all day...

"her eyes light up whenever she sees you"

it's times like those that i wish the girl was around to hear what other people think of us. she has her insecurites...we all do...but sometimes it just frustrates me so much because i know [from my point of view] that she has no reason to be insecure..

she's the one i'm with.

she's the one i WANT to be with..

she's the last person i think of at nite...

and the first person that i think of when i wake up in the morning..

tomorrow i think the girl and i will have lunch with linda and nikki. it'd be good for sam to see how the 3 of us interact. yeh sure...i'm the first to admit that linda, nikki and i all have a bit of a weird relationship..but we're just all secure enough in ourselves to be able to act as freely as we do. yeh i suppose from the outside it would look pretty weird..but, who am i to worry about what other people think.

but for now...i'm gonna go curl up on the couch and watch harry potter..

merry christmas...

~dannii

ps - and for the record...this has been one of the best christmas' ever...and it's sure to only get better once the girl gets here ;-)

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