yeah..it's been just over a month..for the last 5 weekends i have ran away from this place and tried to "rebuild" my broken heart - and i can not believe how much i have healed..
don't get me wrong - i do have feelings for linda, i will always have feelings for linda...but not like how i expected to feel. after we broke up, i was soo worried that i would forever hold the torch for her so tightly that my hand would constantly burn...but now it's almost as if i never ever loved her..well, ok, so maybe it's not that intense..but there is just no pain left..i'm not sad...i don't ache anymore...all the tears are gone...the photos are almost ready to come down... and my heart can just beat. i can't believe how relieved i am...not relieved that i am single, and not relieved that i am free...but just relieved that i can truely smile.
i was talking to kate last nite [i ended up back in melbourne yesterday to spend one last day with simone] and she, too, is amazed at how well i have handled the last month. i don't think she realizes just how much of a pillar she has been...i mean, she has just been fucking awsome. but yeah, we were talking about how everything here in morwell is different now, but it's all still the same..and while tht makes absolutely no sense - she is so right..
but i am liking this new world..i am loving finding magic in these differences...i can do so much more now (not that i couldn't do it with linda) but i am just able to pick up my bag, head out the door and end up where ever i want.
i look at linda, and while she is obviously happy with nikky, i feel sad that she's missing out on all these little luxuries...she has gone form relationship to relationship to relationship and i just wish she could have experienced even just a month of freedom like this last month i have had...
i spoke to linda this morning from the train station in melbourne..i called her asking if she wanted to catch up for lunch, but she was busy...and at first i felt like this little pang of rejection..but then i thought "no,no, this is good...her life has moved on..my life has moved on..it's fantastic"..but i would like to catch up with her. it's been about a week since we were last in the same place at the same time..and while i'm not counting the days since we last spoke, i would hate to let too much time and distance come between us. i feel like there is so much that i want to share with her...there is so much in this new life of mine that i want her to know, but then i feel like i should just keep my new-found happiness to myself.
anyway...i need to go eat.
-dannii
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble