so today i bought myself a photo ipod..and i've gotta say, at this moment in time i'm hating the lil shiny fucker more than anything else on the planet.
i've installed and uninstalled the god-damned-forsaken program a dozen times..and all the icons on my taskbar have disappeared...fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck..
it's times like this, i miss sam more than anything.
where are all the cute geek girls when you need help??

so today, my GAMSAT prep notes arrived and i'm feeling even more out of my depth than ever. while i feel i have a solid grasp on biology and anatomy..the chemistry and physics section may as well be written in swahili - because it would make the same amount of sense to me *sighs*..
$1,000+ later, and i'm realising that this is one goal i am not going to achieve.
anyway..
speaking of GAMSAT prep..today some stuff arrived at the prison for me (from the US)..and ali left it at work..d'oh...i'm kinda pissed about that but obviously she's failed to realise that this is something that's pretty damned important to me and i've been obsessed about it and nothing else for the past 6 weeks..but anyway..
i dunno..things between ali and i seem kinda fucked up.
tonight, on my way back to sale she sms'd me asking to bring home diet coke and chocolate..and when i got home, it took her all her time to even speak to me about her day...then at one stage, i was laying on her bed and i went to tickle her side, and she recoiled in fear as if i was the most hideous thing ever..and it kinda freaked me out, too..because i seriously felt as if she was disgusted at the thought of me coming withing 3feet of her..so i did all i could do and i got up and left her room.
i think she may have sensed my..errr..freaked-outedness...because shortly after she came into the lounge room and started being nice and goofy..but i still didn't know how to react.
times like this remind me of how sam would accidently hurt my feelings and i would turn into a crab and retreat into my shell. i just couldn't talk to her..
i wish i knew why, after everything we have shared, she treats me like i am a leper..
not that i want anything more than friendship from her..but even then, friends are allowed to tickle..
and talk..

anyway...i'm sounding like a pathetic sook..
i really just wanted her to bring home my other GAMSAT books..there's so much to cover and not enough time to cover it in *sighs*..although i have 3 night shifts in a row in critical care coming up - so i should get some reading done then.

but for now, i'm gonna o and stomp on this ipod.



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