so i've had a shitty last few days...with shit being the operative word.
i dont know if it's a result of the dodgey indian that ali bought home for dinner the other night, or if it's because i've been nursing a little old lady with gastro-like symptoms..but..well..i've spent more time hovering over the toilet these last 24hours than i care to admit. every hour...on the hour...i've either been spewing or pooping..and let me just say, it's not been the most pleasant experience.
although, *crosses fingers* the worst of it seems to have passed...i still haven't eaten anything yet...and i'm only sipping minilal amounts of water...but i no longer have these explosive feelings in my tummy..so yeah..lets just hope it's going away. i called in sick (again) today..it's my second last shift there, so i dont really care..but i am going to do see a doctor this morning to get an actual medical certificate...just to make it *official*..heh..and so they can pay me..i figure, i've worked my ass off for that place for thelast 2 months, so the least they can do when i am genuinely dying is pay me for it..especially when i think i caught this bug from one of their patients.

so what else is new?

mmmm...not much really...things between ali and i seem more strained than ever...the other night (dodgey indian night) we hardly exchanged 4 words..well, except for the few she threw at me bitching about how i fucked up her white shirts and she's never going to be able to bleach the blue out of them..*sighs*...so much for me trying to be little miss domestic..
after dinner (and before the spewing set it) i so desperately wanted to talk to her..about us and our friendship and where we've been and where we're heading...but she totally wasn't interested...so i went to bed with the sulks...and then thankfully my crying was interrupted by the insane urge to spew...
it still seems as if it's taking her all her effort to talk to me. i dunno what i've done...maybe i've been too sooky and sulky...but if she'd talk to me long enough she'd find out it's not about her..i dunno...women are fucked...
i'm also beginning to think that i've worn out my welcome here...there was a time not too long ago where she told me she loved having me here and i could stay with her as long as i wanted...but now i can't help but feeling that she wants me here like she wants a hole in her head...so i dunno...i only have a few more days before i go on holidays...and after that my rotation in theatre starts...and the hours there are better (0800-1600)...so i could easily go back to driving in from mum's each day.
i tried talking to her again last night...but she was so cold and cranky...i didn't even want to push it. i've gotta say though, i feel so fucking pathetic not being able to talk to her..like i'm the one that's done something wrong.
basically all i wanna know is why things with us went so pear-shaped, and have i done something to offend or piss her off...*shrugs*..oh well..i really ought to stop caring...it's been like this since we went to canberra, and i can't see it changing any time soon. i know i am different with her...i'm not as affectionate or sleazy (great combination, eh??)...but she said she wanted the romantic side of our relationship to end, which to me translates to "i dont want any romance or sleaze"..but really, having not spoken to her about it at all since she said that...who the fuck knows what she wants/is thinking...women...pffft...
i think i'd be better off increasing my stockpile of sex toys and buying a dog for companionship..

but for now, i have a doctors appointment that i should go get ready for.



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