sam was on gaydargirls yesterday...for the first time in months (that i've noticed)...and i couldn't help myself...i just had to message her.
not to be facetious or a twat...but rather to just say "hi, how's it goin?"...and i did...and it was nice.

i know it's hard to tell these things through a computer, but she just seemed so different...so much happier...in fact, so different was she that i was tempted to ask "who are you and what have you done with sam???" but i decided not to rock the boat and be a turd or offend her...i just wanted to enjoy the niceness of it all..
because really folks, it's been a long long time since i've had any kind of niceness from her..and i didn't want to ruin it..

but anyway...

so things here in lala land are still going well..

i've been thinking lots about my lil declaration yesterday...and i dunno...i feel kinda weirded out about it...i meant what i said...that i'm definately falling...but i dont know if falling is a good thing or a bad thing...i know we both enjoy each other's company..and we have so much fon together..and the sex...well...lets not even go there...but it's all so great, and i worry that if i confess to any crazy feelings that i will ruin what we have. on the other hand, i'm worried f i dont say anything that that'll ruin it, too...so who knows.
it's not that i wanna tell her "oh i love you"...but i do want her to know what this isn't just a sex thing to me...that it's so much more...she knows she makes me happy - cuz i do tell her that...but i'm wondering if it's enough..

maybe i just wonder too much...

maybe i'm just freaked out cuz all this has taken me by surprise...because honestly...i thought that after the whle sam thing, it would take me a very, very long time to even feel comfortable with someone again...let alone crave to be with them..

so yeah..

more on this later...for now i have an adorably gorgeous snoring chick to go and wrap myself around.



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