today was a long day...and a little shitty...but i'm finally home and curled up in bed so it's not all bad...

this morning started out pretty awsomely (apart from the whole "waking up in a cold sweat" thing)...i got up...had breakfast with mum...headed off to the jail...and had 2 hours of training on medications and drug interactions. our lunch was catered for, so i made a pig out of my self on chicken&salad sammiches and pavlova...mmmm...i love pavlova...and my spunky-ass boss chick was going to give me my flu vaccine and i got all excited at the thought of her rolling my sleeve up and fondling my arm..but i dunno, my hard-on must have showed or something cuz another oh-not-so-fucking-nurse came along and took over and jabbed me..and it's still hurting..but yeah..
straight from the jail, i (changed uniforms) and went to the hospital...which was going ok until 5minutes after i got there i went to walk into my favourite patient's room to say g'day (something i've done every day since starting) only to find out that she'd passed away. it wasn't the passing away bit that got to me, but rather finding cold and blue and still in her bed almost 4 hours after going to god that got to me..but yeah..i knew she was palliative and her time was almost up...but i dind't know it was that close to up, ifyouknowhatimean..

anyway..on my way home tonite...after awake and working for too many hours...i saw something waddling across the road in front of me..and i didn't have enough time (or energy) to swerve and i hit it...it wasn't until i did a u-turn and went back that i saw it was a gorgeous little echidna..actually..it was a fat lil fucker...and terribly cute...so i went back to my car to get my jacket so that i could move it off the road...and some fucker came along at 110kms and ran over it again..i freaked out because i thought it was going to splatter all over me...but it didn't...it just mate this noise and i think it died...i wasn't sure cuz i didnt know where to check it without hurting myself (those spines are sharp)...so i rolled it off onto the side of the road as best i could..and i waited and stared at it to make sure it's little chest wasn't rising and falling...i'm not 100% sure it was dead...but i hoped it was..
so after that..i got in my car and made it about 50metres down the road and i just burst into tears...it was fucking pathetic...but i cried and cried and cried and couldn't for the life of me figure out what i was crying about...and then i listened and focused on the radio and it was mandy moore singing "i wanna be with you" and i'm thinking that's what did it..aaahhh...such a sam-o-rama song...but yeah...needless to say i still have some unresolved shit going through my head and heart...but i'm going to do all that i can to get past is as quickly as i can..
i did think of her lots during my trip home..about how we used to be when we first got together and how fucking awsome it was and how quickly it soured and how determined i was to stay and make it right...i think it's hitting me now that i was silly to keep on beating that dead horse and that i wasted a lot of time. sam and i should have split (and stayed split) back when we had potential to be friends...because now that is well and truely gone - from both of us...
but yeah..
bleh..
thank god i dont have work tomorrow...yay....so i can stay in bed until noon if i want!!! (and if mum and the monster boy keep relatively quiet in the morning..





0 comment so far..