so i'm in melbourne... at sams...and it feels so good to be back here.
although it's no longer *home* to me...it is the place in which i get to spend lots of uninterrupted time with her. and to me, that's fantastic...even if we just sit around and watch tv or play on our lap tops..it's still our time together..and i love that..

last nite though, i got a bit narky cuz one of her friends called, and sam totally didn't mention that i was here..i heard what she was saying, and some of it was reasons why she didn't want to go out with them (her friends) this weekend..and i was hoping she was going to say "i dont wanna cuz dannii is here" but she didn't..and that stung...so of course, me being me, i sulked and pouted about it...but unlike the old me, i actually told her what i was sulking and pouting about as soon as she asked..
"i feel like i'm your dirty little secret"..i told her..and i dont wanna be anyone's dirty little secret...least of all, sam's...but she explained to me that it's just cuz she's not in the mood to have to justify her actions to people..which kinda threw me off balance..because for all of the shit sam and i have shared, i didn't actually think that there would be people out there that would warn her off me..haha..but yeah...i thought about it and figured it was fair enough...afterall, there was a time not so long ago when linda called me while sam was in bed right next to me and i never said sam was there...so i can totally understand not wanting to deal with questions..
but..what i can not understand is actually listening to and giving a shit at all about what people think of my thoughts on sam..
i love her..
i want her..
and i will move heaven and earth if i have to to make things work again..
comprende??
and if my family and friends dont like that...then i will sit and listen to their words of warning, and well-meant advice..but at the end of the day, i will still do what i want to do, anyway...so yeah..

it's good being back here, though..at sam's house..
although there's nothing *official* going on between us (she just wants to hang out and see how things go)..part of me feels like i belong here..like today, i was pottering around and being all domesticated and doing the laundry and dishes...and i stopped for a second long enough to think about where i was and what i was doing and i just felt..elated..like...that's the only word that i can think of that describes how i felt..so yeah...i went back to my dishes and laundry and tried not too think too much about it...because histroy has shown that i tend to jinx it when i focus too much on things..so yeah...
right now, i'm waiting for her to get home from work..so that we can cook dinner and go for a walk and (hopefully) have a nice, long talk about what were doing and where we're going..
i do not want her to put a label on us..but i do want to actually know (rather than just feel) that she thinks things are going well..
god...i feel as if i am on probation or some kind of good behaviour bond...and while it frustrates the hella outta me...i'm hoping that at the end of the day (month..or year) that it'll all be worthwhile..and all the shit of the last few months really will have made us stronger..

but yeah...i'm starting to sound all gooey...

speaking of gooey...i had a bag of teeny weeny easter eggs in my bag in the back of my car and the fuckers melted everywhere..all over my prison folder..with my contract and nursing registration in it..*grrrr*...fuckin stoopid eggs...

when will i learn..

ooohhh...she's home...



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