dannii
jan 23 - babble [2004-01-23 @ 9:54 a.m.]
anyway...i'm heading up to lakes entrance for the long weekend tonite..and there's not way that i'm going to let my current mood and pissed-offness with the grrl stop me from having fun...who knows...the mood that i'm in at the moment may even propell me into a whole new world of fun...so yeah...
i was kinda hoping that she'd still come away with us (cuz i probably wouldn't end up feeling miserable if she was actually withing slapping distance)..but...i think she's going to be a stubborn cunt and just hide out and avoid all kinds of human contact.
she finally admitted to me today that, while she loves me, i am just a friend to her..which, i have known for a while so it's kinda no big surprise...and it's not as painful having to hear it knowing that i've already known.
after the other day...our little fight...when she said she wasn't preparred to take a risk on our relationship and then telling me she wasn't "gay"..i kinda knew my time here was coming to and end..
the only thing tat really does hurt is that she never had the kahuna's to tell me any of this earlier..like back when i was ready and preparred to leave and move on with my life. now i'm just a little wigged that i've wasted time..
i told her that i love her (cuz i do)..but i want so much..i seem to expect so much..
i want a real relationship..i want to commit to someone and give them my all..i want to live with my partner and come home to them every nite...i want a partner i can laugh with..and wrestle with...i want a partner that's spontaneous and won't look at me like i'm insane if i want to go shopping at 3am...or if i want to drive 100kilometers to find someone *quaint* to have breakfast...i want a partner that lets me know i'm loved...i want a partner that i can share my fears and dreams with...i want a partner that i cry over and snot on...and passion...i want a little passion. sam andi used to have bucketloads of spark...but over time...our spark just died...and now there's nothing there. i dont ever want that to happen - because i think that is the worst thing that can ever happen to a relationship...it's like a cancer...and it's fucked and awful and i hate it (yeah ok...i'm not really good with words when i'm in this kind of mood)..
i know lots of it is my fault...this isn't me blaming everything on sam...because we're both at fault here...but what i do blame on her wholey and soley is that she just wants to *give up* and not work on anything...because *and i quote* "i just can't do it dannii"...because trying to make things right with us is just too fucking time consuming for her..because it doesn't fit in with her life...because she's busy with family and work and eating cake and watching the fucking cricket (dont even get me started on that)...
and now, now i just feel angry that i've wasted time...i've wasted all this time just sitting here twiddling my thumbs while sitting next to sam..when i kenw deep in my heart we were slowly coming to an end and i could have been out there having some fun and living my life..because, really...i hate nothing more than wasted time..
anyway...now i'm babbling and i really need a shower..
0 comment so far..
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble
well it's that time of month again, boys and grrls..
yes...it's
yes...again...it's that time of year when the grrl and i fight and scream and i pack my bags and leave and swear to everyone who'll listen that "i'm not ever fucking going back"..
anyway...i'm heading up to lakes entrance for the long weekend tonite..and there's not way that i'm going to let my current mood and pissed-offness with the grrl stop me from having fun...who knows...the mood that i'm in at the moment may even propell me into a whole new world of fun...so yeah...
i was kinda hoping that she'd still come away with us (cuz i probably wouldn't end up feeling miserable if she was actually withing slapping distance)..but...i think she's going to be a stubborn cunt and just hide out and avoid all kinds of human contact.
she finally admitted to me today that, while she loves me, i am just a friend to her..which, i have known for a while so it's kinda no big surprise...and it's not as painful having to hear it knowing that i've already known.
after the other day...our little fight...when she said she wasn't preparred to take a risk on our relationship and then telling me she wasn't "gay"..i kinda knew my time here was coming to and end..
the only thing tat really does hurt is that she never had the kahuna's to tell me any of this earlier..like back when i was ready and preparred to leave and move on with my life. now i'm just a little wigged that i've wasted time..
i told her that i love her (cuz i do)..but i want so much..i seem to expect so much..
i want a real relationship..i want to commit to someone and give them my all..i want to live with my partner and come home to them every nite...i want a partner i can laugh with..and wrestle with...i want a partner that's spontaneous and won't look at me like i'm insane if i want to go shopping at 3am...or if i want to drive 100kilometers to find someone *quaint* to have breakfast...i want a partner that lets me know i'm loved...i want a partner that i can share my fears and dreams with...i want a partner that i cry over and snot on...and passion...i want a little passion. sam andi used to have bucketloads of spark...but over time...our spark just died...and now there's nothing there. i dont ever want that to happen - because i think that is the worst thing that can ever happen to a relationship...it's like a cancer...and it's fucked and awful and i hate it (yeah ok...i'm not really good with words when i'm in this kind of mood)..
i know lots of it is my fault...this isn't me blaming everything on sam...because we're both at fault here...but what i do blame on her wholey and soley is that she just wants to *give up* and not work on anything...because *and i quote* "i just can't do it dannii"...because trying to make things right with us is just too fucking time consuming for her..because it doesn't fit in with her life...because she's busy with family and work and eating cake and watching the fucking cricket (dont even get me started on that)...
and now, now i just feel angry that i've wasted time...i've wasted all this time just sitting here twiddling my thumbs while sitting next to sam..when i kenw deep in my heart we were slowly coming to an end and i could have been out there having some fun and living my life..because, really...i hate nothing more than wasted time..
anyway...now i'm babbling and i really need a shower..
0 comment so far..
jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble