gawd..it's 3 in the afternoon and i've done nothing..

not a damn thing..

i was supposed to catch a train back to mum's today, but called her up last nite and cancelled cuz i didn't want to waste one of the 5 days i have left to finish up my assignment..

and what have i done??

nothing..
nada..
zilch..
*sigh*..

unless doing dishes...chatting on MSN and spending 2 hours on a long distance phone call counts??

no?

didn't think so..

so anyway..

i have 5 (well...4-1/2) days left to wrap up and hand in the assignment that is going to make or break my university degree..and i'm no not interested in it. normally, i wait until a week before the assignment is due and out of panic i end up in work mode and i write something brilliant..but this time, i have a funny feeling that that's not going to happen - at least not until i only have 2 or 3 days left..which still gives me a whole 36hours to procrastinate..*laughs*..

i so can't wait to work..

whether it be here in melbourne at forensicare or at the jail in sale...i just want to be off my lazy ass doing something and earning an income. i was watching that nic cage movie "family man" last nite..and during the bit where he was talking about career goals and future aspirations i started freaking out. because here i am, 25 (closer to 26)..and i've never worked a real day or work in my life..sure, i've done clinicals and work experience and even some volunteer work at an old folks home. but nothing real..where i was actually bringin home some bacon..
and i wanna brin home bacon..
so that the grrl and i can have a better life.
sure, our life is mighty fine how it is right now..but it would be so much better if we were both working and earning and saving and stuff..we do ok here..but only cuz she works her ass of 24/7 so that we can have nice things..but i want more than that..

today i made a 2 hour long distance phone call..and normally i wouldn't think twice about that, but afterwards i freaked out and got all "OMG that's $30 i could have spent on groceries"..so i sms'd sam freaking out and apologising and promising i would pay it...and she just chuckled at me and told me i was a nut. but it's true - that's $30 that could have gone to some other bill..

i know when i work we won't be rolling in cash..but i'd like to think that there'll be little reason to worry about bills - especially if we keep our lifestyle where is is at the moment. we don't splurge - but we don't go without, either..we're comfortable..

for the entire course of our realtionship, the grrl and i have always looked forward to me working...and many conversations have ended with "...don't worry, i'll be working soon"..but these last few months..and next few weeks leading up to it are just dragging so s___l________o_____w_______l_______y..
*sighs*..

i dunno..

i'm just obsessing at the moment..

i just wanna work and make life that little bit easier for sam and i..

is that too much to want??

ending music: 'silence' - delirium & sarah mc

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