my night away was fantastic..

long

but fantastic..

ok, so maybe i'm exaggerating. it was good. was great to spend time with kater and ant. but i'll admit, i felt so lonely.
lonely knowing she had no intention of contacting me.
lonely because i knew she wasn't thinking about me.
lonely, because i know this next week is going to be very long, and i don't have her to look forward to at the end of it.

it's my own fault though..
because i'm being a hard-ass "this is all ok and everything's going to be fine as long as i dont go back"..not that i have much to go back to, anyway..
i have had a grrl that i love...
but i want more than love..
i want lust...passion...adoration...i want someone who wants me as much as i want them. *sigh*

i am really beginning to believe that i want too much.

anyway, i need to stop thinking about it all..about her, and love and relationships...because i don't wanna give in to all that bullshit sadness..
i hope she's ok, though..
and i wish she'd let me know that she is.


on a brighter note, classes go back tomorrow..

yay..a distraction..



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